When your Mother is a Narcissist?
My mother never never chose me, she actually gave me up at birth.
She never fought for me, she never loved me, I didn’t even grow up with her. However the more she rejected me in my adult life, the more I fought for her.
She interfered in my life only to gain something for herself never to be there for me or make up for past mistakes. No my mother is all about her!
Her words were the total opposite of her actions and I recreated this pattern of neglect in all my adult relationships, meaning they were terrible.
I never truly felt wanted, never. So I build this Armour of muscles, so I could at least be desired sexually, which is funny as I am really not that sexual of a person. Much more of a loyal and romantic soul. So this recipe was very untasteful. LOL
Two days ago after being on this earth for 44 years, I finally had the guts to communicate about my book to her and how much content she has.
Needless to say, it backfired and she made it all about her.
Enough, sometimes we need to understand the battles lost. As a born warrior I want to continue fighting, but I am done. For me, she is no longer.
I can honestly state that I have tried everything over the years to get closer but she is living in total denial
and I am done.
If I want to have any chance to meet a good partner I can’t let this happen again. I will never attract better if I continue to let this kind of abuse happen and furthermore, I have no inclination to return to Substance Abuse to forget.
Am I sad?
Yes, I cried a lot yesterday but that is what it is.
I do feel relieved.
My point is, make sure that you know what battles to fight.
I wrote this article four years ago and haven’t spoken to her yet and it was one of the best most productive decisions I’ve ever made.
I was able to start healing and with a bit of time attached I might even find that special someone.
Big Hugs Alek