Why I don’t Like Being Gay!

Being Gay has been a tough nut to crack.

If I had a choice, I would rather be straight.

There are many reasons, but the main reason is that I always wanted to look into my wife’s eyes while our baby was born.

To feel the love at that particular moment between her and me, while we bring a new life to this earth, is something I will always miss.

A life we can cherish, nourish and love together, to be a family.

To see my child grow and achieve his or her goals

To look at my grandchildren being born

To be selfless

Something I will never be able to experience.

A lot of people call it a choice? A lifestyle choice?

Let me ask you this:

Can you choose to have sex with anybody, with the same sex? Can you?

Are you thinking about it and if you are, then you are at least Bisexual.

Being gay is a lot more than sex, it is about loving another man or woman fully. It is looking into their eyes and achieving the ultimate high because you love them.

Just love them.

Being Gay is not a choice as I can’t imagine that someone would choose a Life full of adversity, from being bullied at school and never belonging to a Team.

Not to have friends.

Your family’s rejection.

In my generation, it also included not having children.

Why would I choose never to see my eyes in my child?

Being made fun off or even beaten because you are the way you are.

You are being scared every night before going to sleep or every morning waking up because you know that today will be another day full of “faggot” and other curse words.

Another day where teachers are going to make fun of you, in front of a full class, just because you are gay.

Another day where you have to hide who you are.

All this hiding, this being different is in many ways a killer.

The suicide rate for gay kids is three times higher than hetero!

Think about that!

Being gay for me is a life with many limits.

Surely this depends on what you want.

I always wanted a family, as you can pretty much guess considering what you have read so far, but I also wanted a monogamous relationship.

I have had five long-term relationships, one was for two years, and we were monogamous until he left me for another man.

The second one was for five years, and this one based on money and my naivety, but we were monogamous.

My third relationship was the love of my life, lasted for two years, we were monogamous, ended so respect-less.

My fourth and fifth lasted for seven years and were open relationships and total disasters.

Being Gay is a life ruled by looking good!

The pressure to look good is at a massive high. Looking good is key to anything, no matter how good or bad.

The appearance factor is the driving force, sadly when you are gay.

You build a weapon, a weapon that was born many years before when you were a young boy, and you are being beaten and made fun of.

So you compensate in your adult life and become in my opinion driven to build an armour of muscles, yet within we are still the little boy not fitting in.

This everlasting feeling of not belonging, at least for me is very hard.

Our armour of muscles opens doors and respect but in my opinion, not the right kind.

Furthermore what about getting older?

The loss of looks, the foundation of every instant gratification will at some time leave and disappear.

No children or grandchildren to focus on, and if you do not have a partner, well you end up taking drugs or kill yourself.

A lot of us are ending up alone.

Being gay isn’t a choice for me.

It is part of me, a part that I fight with every day, but it is me!

Alek Ivar

From my book “THE LOSS OF SELF”

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store