How to Deal with a Toxic Sibling?


After losing my grand-mother, the woman that raised me to cancer in 2009, I fell in such a deep hole of despair and utter destruction, followed by losing my business, my money, my pride and I became homeless, furthermore I started selling my body for cash to survive and using Chrystal meth.

My trauma was intense and in hindsight, I should have been placed in a hospital.

My whole life reduced itself to survive and move from one Motel to the next.

I needed to make some changes.

It took me seven years to get over the trauma and being able to stabilise my life.

Needless to say that it wasn’t easy and still isn’t.

One primary action was to delete toxic people from my life as otherwise, I wouldn’t survive.

I had to stop all contacts with my mother as she was and always will be the core problem for me as she abandoned me at birth and continued rejecting me as an adult.

I haven’t spoken to her since 2017 and I am in a much better place because of it.

I have no intention to communicate with her unless she makes the first step and understands that she needs to stop victimisation to get attention and step up her responsibility factor toward me.

I also had to stop contact with my sister, whom I love dearly but she was recreating my mother’s patterns.

I had no contact with her for four years, I missed her but I was able to heal, and it was only after the COVID breakout where I found myself in a unique position due to complete Lockdown that we restarted conversation and I’m extremely please we did.

After eight month of being her big brother again, I can assure you that her patterns of self-manipulation and destructive behaviours haven’t changed much.

Over the last four years, I have gone on a journey of honest and brutal self-discovery of which I’m very proud of and I can’t take people that aren’t dealing with their lives, surely I understand that she and only she can start her healing, just like I had too.

To be honest, I don’t know if I can’t take it much longer.

Every week there is another problem based on the same patterns of destruction and pain.

She is totally freaking out, making everybody around her feel terrible and she victimises herself to such a degree that she gets vile and communicates in terrible anger, to the point where you are afraid of saying anything at all, she creates an absolutely toxic environment where breathing becomes heavy.

This is happening every ten days or so, and as her big brother I’m trying so hard to be there for her, but I have learned that I have limits. I can’t afford to crash again.

Today was one of those days where she blew everything out of proportion just because she had pain, yet again.

I do believe that my mother and my sister suffer from Munchausen’s syndrome.

It becomes very confusing to hear her talk about the same pain for eight months but she doesn’t do anything about it, except complain and create an unbearable environment.

She wasn’t treated to her expectations at the Doctors and made it all about herself, she knows better, not the Doctors and no one else, involving her new boyfriend, her eleven-year-old child, me and who knows. It was terrible.

I live 400 km away but I could hardly think about anything else today and my day was filled with too much anxiety, I dare not say what her partner must have felt.

I’m unsure what to do?

Will I have to leave her again because I can’t take it as I’m afraid that she’ll infect me again?

What can I do?

Alek Ivar



🇬🇧Create better communication🇩🇪Family-Relationship-New path-Epiphany-Radically honest coaching 🇫🇷Better childhood Project 🇱🇺DM me 4 FREE Discovery call

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Alek Yves Martin

Alek Yves Martin

🇬🇧Create better communication🇩🇪Family-Relationship-New path-Epiphany-Radically honest coaching 🇫🇷Better childhood Project 🇱🇺DM me 4 FREE Discovery call