A Must Read for all Mothers!
I know it’s difficult to say that you are unable to love your child to love me, to accept me for who I am, but
Please come forth for my sake, so I can finally heal.
There is no shame!
At least not to me, what is shameful, is to continue to say that you do love and care for me, but your actions are very different from that of a loving mother.
Your words are the opposite of your actions!
And your actions never entailed me; you never chose me, you never fought for me, so how on earth am I suppose to feel worthy of anything?
I need to know that I’m not crazy.
Please stop telling me:
“Let’s not talk about it anymore!”
I can’t base a future on lies!!!
I’ve tried, and it didn’t work.
It’s time that all you mothers and besides fathers let go of your shame and admit to your true feelings.
Admit them to us — all the unloved adult children.
All of us that are having severe issues to live decent lives, as your rejection always rules us.
You might never have pronounced the words, but you certainly have engaged the act of rejection, over and over.
Why doesn’t matter?
Free yourself and do it for the sake of your child and yourself.
A child that never requested to be born, a choice made by you and you only!
Don’t you think that you owe us at least the truth, even if it’s so hard for you to reveal.
Even if you are going to be the bad guy, it DOES NOT MATTER!
Please let us heal.
I have tried to heal but this issue I can’t fix by myself.
I NEED YOU.
I wish nothing more than to have an open conversation where you finally reveal the truth, so we can both have a cry and rebuild upon or leave separate.
Your whatever, Alek
Up to several years ago, I used to tell people when asked, if I had a wish, what would I want, I replied:
“I wish that my mother would sit in one of her fancy cars and drive to wherever I am and ring my bell and tell me that she is sorry.
Sorry for not being able to love me the way I deserved to be loved, and that we would have a good cry and maybe build something new together or leave separate with a healthy soul.”
I still needed you to complete me, and in one way it is sad that I don’t anymore, and in another, it is incredible news for me.
Since the summer of 2017, since I no longer speak to you, I no longer crave for your consent nor the need for your love, or you being proud of me, and YOU.
I am not scared of you anymore, and you know why?
I feel sad for you.
I don’t need you and truthfully do not want you in my life anymore.
I still feel angry about the fact that you let me rot with my grandparents who weren’t educated and had no social behaviour, and that I have no education and that I am fighting to this day to make a living, while both my sister and brother are taken care off.
That is very hard still, as it is my presence.
But I wouldn’t be me if I will not sort this out as well.
I have forgiven you for abandoning me as a child when you were still a child yourself, but I do not forgive you for lying to me and others about me and still not feeling any responsibility towards me when you were older.
You can change all that, but you have chosen not to look deep within, and that is your choice, and I am finally accepting it.
I looked up to you as you were a determined and successful businesswoman, but it never occurred to me that you are a feeble person and emotionally challenged to say the least.
I do not feel the need anymore to change you or anybody else.
As for the first time in my life, I am choosing me.
I hope all the best for you and your family.
PS: thanks for giving birth to me.
Your son Aleksander
From my book “THE LOSS OF SELF”